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There's no easy way to say this

So I have been absent for a bit yet again. This absence is because of much more serious reasons than the last.

About two weeks ago, I found out my dad had cancer. Though he was staying optimistic, the prognosis didn't look good. Last Friday he was admitted to the hospital for severe pain in his back and chest. They gave him medication for the pain and he seemed to be doing fine and resting, but later that night he had a massive heart attack and passed away. He wasn't in any pain, and he was spared a long and painful ordeal of cancer treatments. My step-mother was with him and he knew that he was loved. And I take some comfort in the fact that five days before he was able to attend my younger sister's high school graduation and thus see both of his daughters graduate.

I had always prepared myself to lose my father sooner than I'd like to cancer - he was a heavy smoker who didn't give up the habit even after he had a minor stroke three months ago. But obviously I was not prepared to find out about the cancer and then lose him a week later. Sometimes I feel like it isn't real - that I'll call him and he'll answer and it will all have been a horrible dream.

My dad was the parent I was closest to - he had his own struggles with depression and he always understood where I was coming from. He raised me on James Bond, and was the one who would go with me to the action movies nobody else wanted to see. When I had a problem, he was the first person I would call for advice.

The saying is right; every day gets a little bit easier, though right now the increments are miniscule. To everyone who has already expressed their sympathy in other places, thank you. And thank you in advance to anyone who does so here.


( 7 comments — Leave a comment )
Jun. 18th, 2010 01:39 am (UTC)
I am very sorry that you lost him and very glad that you had him.
Jun. 18th, 2010 02:40 am (UTC)

No words are ever right at a time like this. But it sounds like you have some wonderful memories of your father to carry with you, and you know he loved you, too. That may not make it easier, but may make it more bearable as you grieve. If you need anything, let us know. You're in my prayers. ::HUGS::
Jun. 18th, 2010 02:52 am (UTC)
I'm so sorry. My uncle's struggling with cancer right now too.
I'm glad you have some closure and good memories to hold onto.
Jun. 18th, 2010 04:00 am (UTC)
This will seem trite from a stranger
I'm glad to hear that he wasn't alone when he passed, because sometimes when you learn if they were, it makes the pain of losing them even worse.

But you're strong, I can tell that much, and at least he's pain-free now, right?

Stay awesome and I extend my sympathies.
Jun. 18th, 2010 04:51 am (UTC)
I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm glad he didn't have to suffer much.

~ sera
Jun. 18th, 2010 04:57 am (UTC)
That's terrible and you and your family have my condolences. He sounds like a wonderful man and father.
Jun. 18th, 2010 03:46 pm (UTC)
I told you on Twitter, but I'd like to say again, I am so, so sorry for your loss. There's not much else I can say, because honestly, it won't mean anything and won't really make you feel better, but if you ever need to talk (and I mean EVER), I'm here!
( 7 comments — Leave a comment )